Well, it’s hot as h-e-double hockey sticks here in the North Georgia Mountains and I’m about five months pregnant. Things are going well. I have some of my energy back and my brain seems to be seeking the business world again. Eating still remains to be an issue. As I told Randy the other day, it’s a curse and a blessing. The curse is that food is not as fun as it use to be and I can’t pig out like I would like to, using pregnancy as an excuse to taste and consume everything. The blessing is that I am not gaining much weight (in fact I lost one pound since my last weigh in two weeks ago). It should be pretty easy to get back to my pre-pregnancy state. Although I’m really not sure how my stomach can possibly stretch more. My stomach muscles already feel stretched to the max! But, Doc says baby is doing great!
We are having a girl, and her name is Lilly Kathleen (Kathleen is my grandmother’s name). Lilly is already squirming around like crazy. I think she is just as excited as I am! We are almost done painting her room. It is pastel green. We’ll decorate it in Winnie the Pooh. Not because I think she’ll like it, but because I will like it. I’ve wanted a Winnie the Pooh room for so long, Lilly just has to deal with it (and Randy, too, for that matter). I already have a collection of new-in-the-box Pooh stuff that is just waiting to be put in its place.
My business brain has been shut down for five months and I can feel it coming alive again. So far since the beginning of July I’ve come up with at least five new business ideas. Even though I know I will have an infant to take care of in a few months I can’t seem to stop the need to do something with myself. Of course I don’t want a full time paying position because I don’t want to lose the freedom of being home with my baby when she’s born, despite the fact that if I did find a position like that it would make a huge difference in our current way of life. I’ve always wanted a business that allowed me to be with my children. I usually pictured it as a restaurant. I’ve seen it over and over, the owner’s kids in their own little room watching TV and doing their home work. That won’t be happening anytime soon, so…what else? Why can’t I just relax and wait for the chaos of having a newborn? Hmmm…at least two reasons I can think of:
- This is the first time in my adult life that I have not made my own money. I do not like it at all. I am too independent to constantly ask my husband for money, to be chaperoned at the grocery store or to be stuck at home because the car has no gas.
- I feel terribly useless! At a time where we need more money now than ever, I’m not contributing, financially at least. If I were making money we could buy more fresh vegetables and less cheap packaged crap. I could enjoy lunch with my friends occasionally. My husband could be less stressed all of the time. I have about a million more examples, but I won’t list them all.
Now I find myself struggling daily over what I should do. Finding part-time temp work is not as easy as it once was. And any business idea I have needs money to start it, some waaayyyy more than others. I also suffer from F@#k it! Let’s Pack Up and Move syndrome. Because you know its gotta be better somewhere else! Even though I know its not, my brain won’t believe me. So, I sit here, starring at my computer, day in and day out, like it’s going to tell me what to do. I check my email (only junk 90% of the time) and I check Facebook (only junk 90% of the time). I do help my dad’s company with some minor social media marketing. I cook unappealing meals every night, dreaming of a life where I cook inspiring meals, make my own baby food and am wildly famous for it. I yell at the reality show contestants on Hell’s Kitchen and Masterchef, because I know exactly what to do, how to do it and why it’s done that way (not!, well…yeah I kinda do). And I continue to wish that I had gone to Culinary school. Despite everything I’ve done, learned, tried and have coming in the future, it all comes down to that.
Once again, I’m back to food.
The Curious Life of Shanna 
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