Hurry Up and Wait

Before I start getting ready for an impromptu trip to San Francisco to see my sister (thanks to my Dad) I thought I’d jot down a few thoughts.

I’ve been on a bit of an emotional roller coaster the last week.  My husband is talking about joining the Army due to issues with our income and lack of stability with a new baby on the way.  Of course, I will support any decision that will put us in a better place financially, but I’m not thrilled with the idea of him leaving for months to train and then being shipped out, while I have a newborn to care for.

So, I have been sending out his resume like a crazy woman.  Not one bite!  Not one!  Recently while I was running through the newly posted jobs on Craigslist I ran across an ad for a Bed & Breakfast Manager.  I read the ad and it seemed as though the poster had described the need for a person with all of the random things I’ve done and learned in my life.  I’ve often wondered if one day all of these “careers” would culminate into one awesome career.  And it seemed to me that the position described on my computer screen was THAT career.  Knowing this would mean that I would not be staying home with my new baby, I quickly responded to this ad.  I went to bed that night and basically said a prayer, asking for an answer to this dilemma I’ve felt about Randy joining the army and the idea that staying home with Lilly may not be a luxury I have right now.  Up until I read this ad I felt stuck.  As I fell asleep that night I felt free, light and hopeful.

The next morning I jumped on my laptop unrealistically hoping for a response from the poster.  To my surprise, he had responded!  He was happy with my resume and cover letter and asked me to fill out a questionnaire.  I carefully answered his questions and decided that to start out on the right foot I would let him know that I am pregnant.  Some of my friends think I should not have done this.  But I put myself in his shoes for a moment.  What if he was as excited about me/my experience as I was about the position?  Then I walk in to meet him and my pregnant belly screams at him, “Oh no!  She’s going to be taking 3 months off work in a few months!”  That is a major let down for an employer, and I did not want to start that way.  This gave me the opportunity to assure him that Lilly will be here during the slow season and that I would not be looking to take too much time off.  I reiterated how excited I was about the position.  I sent the email off and waited.

I didn’t get a response to that email.  So in another email I asked if he was considering me for an interview, he replied saying that he was.  Now, I’m waiting again.  We all know that I am not a very patient person, so this has been like torture!  Now I’m leaving for close to a week and I will need to keep waiting.  It is hard for me to focus on anything else.  I keep checking my email looking for a response.  When my phone rings and it’s a number I don’t know I get my hopes up.  Blah, blah, blah.

So, I’m off to San Francisco with my family.  I’m sure that will be enough to keep me from worrying about the job.  I hope to get a few unique food experiences in while I’m there.  You can’t take a foodie to San Fran without testing the food!!!  I’ll post my food findings and experiences for you all.  🙂

What it all comes down to…

Well, it’s hot as h-e-double hockey sticks here in the North Georgia Mountains and I’m about five months pregnant.  Things are going well.  I have some of my energy back and my brain seems to be seeking the business world again.  Eating still remains to be an issue.  As I told Randy the other day, it’s a curse and a blessing.  The curse is that food is not as fun as it use to be and I can’t pig out like I would like to, using pregnancy as an excuse to taste and consume everything.  The blessing is that I am not gaining much weight (in fact I lost one pound since my last weigh in two weeks ago).  It should be pretty easy to get back to my pre-pregnancy state.  Although I’m really not sure how my stomach can possibly stretch more.  My stomach muscles already feel stretched to the max!  But, Doc says baby is doing great!

We are having a girl, and her name is Lilly Kathleen (Kathleen is my grandmother’s name).  Lilly is already squirming around like crazy.  I think she is just as excited as I am!  We are almost done painting her room.  It is pastel green.  We’ll decorate it in Winnie the Pooh.  Not because I think she’ll like it, but because I will like it.  I’ve wanted a Winnie the Pooh room for so long, Lilly just has to deal with it (and Randy, too, for that matter).   I already have a collection of new-in-the-box Pooh stuff that is just waiting to be put in its place.

My business brain has been shut down for five months and I can feel it coming alive again.  So far since the beginning of July I’ve come up with at least five new business ideas.  Even though I know I will have an infant to take care of in a few months I can’t seem to stop the need to do something with myself.  Of course I don’t want a full time paying position because I don’t want to lose the freedom of being home with my baby when she’s born, despite the fact that if I did find a position like that it would make a huge difference in our current way of life.  I’ve always wanted a business that allowed me to be with my children.  I usually pictured it as a restaurant.  I’ve seen it over and over, the owner’s kids in their own little room watching TV and doing their home work.  That won’t be happening anytime soon, so…what else?  Why can’t I just relax and wait for the chaos of having a newborn?  Hmmm…at least two reasons I can think of:

1. This is the first time in my adult life that I have not made my own money.  I do not like it at all.  I am too independent to constantly ask my husband for money, to be chaperoned at the grocery store or to be stuck at home because the car has no gas.
2. I feel terribly useless!  At a time where we need more money now than ever, I’m not contributing, financially at least.  If I were making money we could buy more fresh vegetables and less cheap packaged crap.  I could enjoy lunch with my friends occasionally.  My husband could be less stressed all of the time.  I have about a million more examples, but I won’t list them all.

Now I find myself struggling daily over what I should do.  Finding part-time temp work is not as easy as it once was.  And any business idea I have needs money to start it, some waaayyyy more than others.  I also suffer from F@#k it! Let’s Pack Up and Move syndrome.  Because you know its gotta be better somewhere else!  Even though I know its not, my brain won’t believe me.  So, I sit here, starring at my computer, day in and day out, like it’s going to tell me what to do.  I check my email (only junk 90% of the time) and I check Facebook (only junk 90% of the time).  I do help my dad’s company with some minor social media marketing.  I cook unappealing meals every night, dreaming of a life where I cook inspiring meals, make my own baby food and am wildly famous for it.  I yell at the reality show contestants on Hell’s Kitchen and Masterchef, because I know exactly what to do, how to do it and why it’s done that way (not!, well…yeah I kinda do).   And I continue to wish that I had gone to Culinary school.  Despite everything I’ve done, learned, tried and have coming in the future, it all comes down to that.

Once again, I’m back to food.

Starting a NEW Chapter (again)

It’s been a while since I updated this blog.  Seems something has kept me away from my computer.  SHOCKER!  I know.  But yes, for close to 4 months I have lost all interest in my laptop, the internet, etc.  Why you ask?  Morning sickness, I answer!  Randy and I are having a baby.  After a LONG time of trying and waiting it seems we are finally getting our wish.  I spent the first 3 months slightly resembling the little girl in The Exorcist, ok, not slightly but mostly.  I have only recently been able to venture outside of my house without worrying about what nasty bathroom I will be forced to vomit in.  I still have a lot of problems with eating and the reaction my stomach has, but after initially losing 8lbs I have gained 4lbs.  Yay, small victories!

So, what about my Real Estate career?  What Real Estate career????  What a major disappointment that was!!!!!!  I worked my butt off to get listings, clients and sales.  I’ll say it here, “Everyone was right, what a horrible time to start a career in Real Estate!!”  And to be brutally honest, it’s only partly the banks’ fault that it’s hard to buy or sell.  It’s really you people!!  🙂  So many people are in denial about what their homes are worth now.  And top that off with the fact that everyone already knows everything there is to know about Real Estate since their brother’s girlfriend’s mom’s best friend is an Agent!  Come on people, give a working girl a break!  Why call me if you already know everything?  Ok, so now that I have that out, basically the fact that I was really sick in my first trimester kept me from working.  My Broker gave all of my accounts to other agents and just like that (snap) all of my months of hard work was gone.  But, I’m not heartbroken.  I traded that career in for a better one, raising my baby!  🙂  That’s all I’ve every wanted anyway.

I’ve closed the Real Estate chapter and am now starting the Raising Baby chapter, gladly.  So, what are the goods on baby as of today?  I am finishing my 4th month this week.  We are having a girl (95% certainty from the Ultrasound Specialist).  Her name is Lillian Kathleen (we’ll call her Lilly), although her first name is still in debate.  Due to my history I am considered high risk, especially for pre-term labor.  That means lots of rest, low stress levels and eating properly.  I have the first two down pat!  It’s the eating part I’m struggling with.  🙂

Stay tuned, I WILL keep you updated.

Oh, and in case you are wondering, Randy is totally excited about the baby and has been 100% supportive of me through this journey.  I truly could not ask for a better partner for me and father for Lilly!  Thank you Randy!!!!  🙂